{"id":6857,"date":"2020-07-21T09:14:00","date_gmt":"2020-07-21T07:14:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/voxvigor.se\/?p=6857"},"modified":"2020-07-21T09:14:00","modified_gmt":"2020-07-21T07:14:00","slug":"mitt-liv-som-autistisk-del-2-folj-carolinas-berattelse-i-5-delar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/voxvigor.se\/bricks-staging\/mitt-liv-som-autistisk-del-2-folj-carolinas-berattelse-i-5-delar\/","title":{"rendered":"MITT LIV SOM AUTISTISK, DEL 2 F\u00d6LJ CAROLINAS BER\u00c4TTELSE I 5 DELAR"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

F\u00f6r cirka ett och ett halvt \u00e5r sen fick jag min diagnos. D\u00e5 var jag 30 \u00e5r. Det var blandade k\u00e4nslor n\u00e4r jag fick reda p\u00e5 den. Samtidigt som jag k\u00e4nde ett inre lugn inom mig gjorde det mig ledsen p\u00e5 n\u00e5got s\u00e4tt. Kanske var det f\u00f6r att jag levt s\u00e5 l\u00e4nge med ovissheten som det gjorde mig ledsen. Men \u00e4nd\u00e5, \u00e4ntligen hade jag f\u00e5tt en f\u00f6rklaring. Det k\u00e4ndes som en l\u00e4ttnad.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n


\u00c5ren innan utredningen gjordes var allt v\u00e4ldigt stormigt. Jag f\u00f6rs\u00f6kte klura ut vem jag var och var v\u00e4ldigt os\u00e4ker p\u00e5 mig sj\u00e4lv. Det kan jag fortfarande vara till och fr\u00e5n, men inte i samma utstr\u00e4ckning som d\u00e5. Jag var vilsen ur alla aspekter av mitt liv, k\u00e4mpade f\u00f6r att hitta en plats. Men varje g\u00e5ng kom ett nytt bakslag. F\u00f6r varje fall reste jag mig och t\u00e4nkte att det m\u00e5ste bli bra denna g\u00e5ng. Jag f\u00f6rlorade aldrig hoppet om mig sj\u00e4lv.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

H\u00e5rd arbetsmarknad f\u00f6r oss med NPF diagnoser<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Jag har testat en massa olika yrken under \u00e5ren. Men det har aldrig lett till n\u00e5got l\u00e5ngvarigt. Oftast har jag f\u00e5tt sparken p\u00e5 grund av att jag har varit sedd som ett problem. Jag har aldrig l\u00e5tit det bryta ner mig, utan har fortsatt f\u00f6rs\u00f6ka och anstr\u00e4ngt mig till det yttersta. Men \u00e4nd\u00e5 har det inte fungerat. Kollegor har aldrig f\u00f6rs\u00f6kt reda ut saker och ting utan ist\u00e4llet har de g\u00e5tt bakom ryggen p\u00e5 mig och klagat hos chefen, som sedan ansett att jag varit problemet. Det tycker jag \u00e4r v\u00e4ldigt trist och hade uppskattat om de hade pratat med mig ist\u00e4llet. N\u00e4r jag sedan f\u00f6rs\u00f6kt st\u00e4lla dem mot v\u00e4ggen var det ingen som v\u00e5gade erk\u00e4nna. Det \u00e4r respektl\u00f6st och diskriminerande. Mobbning p\u00e5 h\u00f6gsta niv\u00e5.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Referenserna svek<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Jag jobbade som undersk\u00f6terska och blev nekad en anst\u00e4llning p\u00e5 grund av att en tidigare referens hade svartm\u00e5lat mig. Det som var s\u00e5 lustigt var att jag hade fr\u00e5gat om jag kunde ange dem som referens och det kunde jag ,hade de svarat. S\u00e5 jag gjorde det, men n\u00e4r chefen f\u00f6r den nya tj\u00e4nsten ringde upp kunde jag inte tro mina \u00f6ron vad som hade sagts om mig. Jag fick h\u00f6ra att jag var extremt d\u00e5lig p\u00e5 att samarbeta, att jag inte klarade av mina arbetsuppgifter, att jag st\u00e4ndigt var sen till mitt arbete och att de verkligen inte rekommenderade mig.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Negativa tankar skadade sj\u00e4lvbilden<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Detta var total l\u00f6gn. Jag blev helt f\u00f6rst\u00f6rd. Ledsen och nedbruten. M\u00e5nga tankar rusade i huvudet. Varf\u00f6r hade jag blivit erbjuden en anst\u00e4llning om jag inte klarade av mitt arbete som de menade? Var jag usel p\u00e5 mitt jobb? M\u00e5nga negativa tankar d\u00f6k upp igen och skadade min sj\u00e4lvbild \u00e4nnu mer.
Jag som hade k\u00e4mpat f\u00f6r att l\u00e4ra mig rutinerna. Och jag som inte var klar med mina studier innan jag b\u00f6rjade praktisera p\u00e5 den arbetsplatsen. Under praktiken hos dem fick jag j\u00e4ttegoda lovord fr\u00e5n min handledare, vilket ledde till en anst\u00e4llning. Jag anstr\u00e4ngde mig j\u00e4tteh\u00e5rt f\u00f6r att g\u00f6ra r\u00e4tt, st\u00e4llde m\u00e5nga fr\u00e5gor och f\u00f6rs\u00f6kte g\u00f6ra mycket sj\u00e4lv. F\u00f6r jag ville verkligen l\u00e4ra mig. Samtidigt var det h\u00e5rt och stressigt och mitt f\u00f6rsta undersk\u00f6terskejobb inom demensv\u00e5rden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mina energireserver lade av<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Att f\u00e5 den or\u00e4ttvisa kritiken gjorde att jag bara f\u00f6ll, alla mina energireserver la av. Jag som hade anstr\u00e4ngt mig s\u00e5 himla h\u00e5rt f\u00f6r att hitta ett stadigvarande arbete, men \u00e4nd\u00e5 r\u00e4ckte det inte. Det r\u00e4ckte aldrig till. Jag blev sjukskriven f\u00f6r depression, vilket var det sista jag ville bli. Jag k\u00e4nde mig s\u00e5 j\u00e4vla misslyckad och som en belastning f\u00f6r samh\u00e4llet. Jag orkade inte mer, mitt batteri var slut. Det k\u00e4ndes som att jag k\u00e4mpade i motvind j\u00e4mt. Vad var det f\u00f6r fel p\u00e5 mig? Varf\u00f6r lyckades jag aldrig?<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Text<\/strong>: Carolina Alexandrou
Foto<\/strong>: sj\u00e4lvportr\u00e4tt, Carolina Alexandrou<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Illustration<\/strong> \u00f6verst: Gerd Altmann, Pixabay<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Del 1<\/a> av Carolinas ber\u00e4ttelse: 17 juli 2020<\/strong>, del 3<\/a>, 23 juli, del 4<\/a> <\/a>28 juli, del 5 <\/a>31 juli.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n



<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

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F\u00f6r cirka ett och ett halvt \u00e5r sen fick jag min diagnos. D\u00e5 var jag 30 \u00e5r. Det var blandade k\u00e4nslor n\u00e4r jag fick reda p\u00e5 den. Samtidigt som jag […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":6859,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nMITT LIV SOM AUTISTISK, DEL 2 F\u00d6LJ CAROLINAS BER\u00c4TTELSE I 5 DELAR - Bricks staging<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Carolina fick sin diagnos p\u00e5 autism f\u00f6r ett och ett hallvt \u00e5r sen. D\u00e5 var hon 30 \u00e5r. 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